BOOKS
HOW TO WIN FRIENDS & INFLUENCE PEOPLE
by Dale Carnegie
Month of review, April 2020
A friend of mine recommended this book to me in the beginning of 2020. He said he has read it many times in his life. When I wrote this book review, I have only read this book once, but I have already started to experience the benefit of practicing some of the suggestions that this author makes.
First of all, I am amazed by how this book was written. Dale Carnegie spent lots of time interviewing famous people such as Edison and Roosevelt and he also did lots of experiments and research. Since he has taught thousands of people on how to handle relationships with other people, he offers many real examples and cases of how his way worked in many different situations, both in business world and personal lives. In addition to all of his incredible feats, it took him 15 years to write this book.
Overall, this is a book about winning friends and influencing people. This includes:
- “How to make people like you”
- “How to win people to your way of thinking”
- “How to change people’s behaviors”.
I think Dale Carnegie knows a lot about the human nature, and his human relationship suggestions focus on handling people according to what other people want and do not want.
- People do not like to judged, so do not criticize people.
- People do not like to admit they are wrong, so please do not argue with people.
- People do not like to be told to do something, so please do not tell or command.
- People do not like to feel inferior, so if you want to point out people’s mistakes, talk about your own mistakes first.
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- Because People have ego, and like the feeling of importance, which is mentioned many times in the book), we need to give sincere appreciation.
- Because people want to be understood, we need to show sympathy and do active listening instead of talking too much.
- Because people want to feel the ideas are theirs, we need to inspire them to come up with their own solutions, rather than telling people your ideas,
- Because people want to win, we can throw a challenge
- Because we want to be treated softly, we need to get their attention indirectly.
Many examples in this book are very real and interesting. I highly recommend this book to everyone who wants to make friends and influence people. Don’t miss out on this book that will change your life.
THE LEADERSHIP COACH'S ADVANTAGE
by Melinda Sinclair & Dorothy Greenaway
Month of Review, April 2020
Last year in 2019, I attended an event which was co-organized by ICF, PMI, and DCMP. ICF focuses on coaching, DCAP is an organization about change management and PMI for project management. I have talked to one of the ladies in the event and I bought this book instantly. I enjoyed this book for its clarity and framework.
This book starts with the definition of leadership coach (I believe this model could be used in any coaching environment such as between students and teachers or between parents and children). Leadership coaching is focused conversation to facilitate performance, change, and learning relevant to the leader in their organizational/business context. Then the book offers an overall context saying that we all need to realize the big C shift for this changes how coaching works. The world has moved from “Command, Comply, Correct, Conform, Coerce, and Control” to “common good, contribute, collaborate, communicate, co-create, and connect”.
The book then continues to describe a coaching model between leader and coach so that the leader can move from the current reality to desired future (which is ultimately a positive change) by using 3 stances (see, support, and stretch)
Many times, we do not change because our attentions focus on negative things which paralyze us. I liked one quote about attention in this book. We shape our lives by deciding what to pay attention to, and by how long and how intensely to do so – by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Self-awareness is certainly a big element. One of the coach’s role is to help the leader to realize his or her strength, values, and purpose. And mind certainly plays an important role. This book describes that we have basically 2 mind states. One is the avoid state to minimize threat and the other is the approach state to maximize reward. Being aware of that help the leaders understand the risks and opportunities.
The conversation between the coach and leader is also key. This books suggests a 5-step process: connect now, clarify why, create new, choose what, and commit & go. I likes it because it is action oriented at the end, and have it posted on my office wall. And during the conversation process, coaches will need to develop the core communication skills about listening, asking, and saying.
What I said above is just a rough framework of this book, I encourage you to discover coaching in more details by reading this book, practicing it in business world and also at personal level using the framework.
Highly recommended.
COACHING PLAIN AND SIMPLE
by Peter Szabo and Daniel Meier
Month of review: 2020 April
Quotes
read this book in Dec 2019 and today I revisited it and gained some new insights.
Last time, I remembered 3 quotes that enlightened me.
- The oak seed has stored in itself all the necessary information to grow into a big strong tree.
- a caterpillar cannot reach its potential by taking flying lessons, but only by its development into a butterfly
- You can not teach anybody anything. You can only help them to discover it in themselves. – Galileo Galilei
Application
This time, I had a problem and I used the techniques to coach myself (really me being the coach and the client at the same time- “self-talk”) to find a solution. The 3 key steps of coaching are
- be clear on the desired future (imagine you are already there),
- define the precursors (aware of what I am doing already and give myself a compliment),
- and also presupposing the progress.
After the self-coaching, I became more aware of my goal, my progress, and also gained more confidence in having a better solution.
Though this book is really thin (only 107 pages), I still recommend it for it contains some excellent stuff that is key, brief, and inspirational. Anyone can read it and gain benefit and insight.
Developing the leader within you
by John C Maxwell
Month of review: May 2020
John Maxwell is a senior pastor and also a professional business leader. I had this book years ago, but unfortunately never got a chance to take a deep read on it. It is actually a wonderful leadership book, about leading ourselves and others.
What is special about this book is that it includes so many quotes from famous people and also some excellent poems which are very thought provoking and inspirational.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to be a great leader.
Chapter 1, Influence
- Leadership is the ability to obtain followers.
- Poem called “the little chap who follows me”
- The 5 level of leadership (1, position/rights; 2, permission/relationship, 3 production/results, 4, people development/reproduction, 5, personhood/respect)
Chapter 2, Priorities
- 20/80 rule
- When little priorities demand too much of us, big problems arise.
- Emergencies force us to prioritize.
Chapter 3, Integrity
- Integrity is the state of being complete, unified.
- Image is what people think we are. Integrity is what we really are.
- I can never hide myself from me.
Chapter 4, Creating positive change
- Change the leader, change the organization.
- Change won’t happen when people engage in negative thinking.
- If you would win a man to your course, first convince him that you are his true friend.
Chapter 5, Problem solving
- Where people most often turn for help with a problem.
- The size of the person is more important than the size of the problem, our focus as a leader should be to build big people and make a time commitment to people.
- Define a problem, ask the right questions, challenge the assumptions (9 dot problem)
Chapter 6, Attitude
- Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
- Our expectations will determine our attitudes
- God chooses what we go through. We choose how we go through it.
Chapter 7, People
- My assumptions about others are what allow me to continually motivate and develop them.
- Everyone wants to feel worthwhile – what I do will make a difference
- Everyone needs and responds to encouragement
- People buy into the leader before they buy into his or her leadership
- People tend to become what the most important people in their lives think they will come
- People are naturally motivated. We need to create an environment in which people are free from the influences that demotivate
Chapter 8, Vision
- Helen Keller was asked, “what would be worse than being born blind?” she replied, “to have sight without vision.”
- God’s gift to me is my potential. My gift back to God is what I do with that potential.
- Napoleon Hill said, “cherish your visions and dreams as they are the children of your soul; the blueprints of your ultimate achievement.”
Chapter 9, Self-discipline
- Poem of Edwin Markham, nothing is worth the making if it does not make the man
- Welcome responsibility
- Be responsible for who you are
- Be responsible for what you have received
- Be responsible to those you lead
- Pay now, play later
Chapter 10, Staff development
- Build a winning team
- Winning teams have great leaders
- Winning teams pick good people
- Winning teams play to win – more commited, pay the price, and go after victory
- Winning teams make their team member more successful
- Winning teams keep improving
- Build a winning team
SIDE HUSTLE
by Chris Guillebeau
Month of review, April 2020
During the Covid-19, many people were forced to leave their regular jobs. I was one of them being temporarily laid off. In the meantime, one friend of mine in linked-in said to me that he wanted to start an online course for side hustle. What is side hustle? I have no idea at that time. It is basically earning extra income while you are off your regular work.
Staying at home, thinking about the job and the regular income stream which was stopped and replaced by employment insurance, which is less than 50% of my regular income, and considering that I have plenty of time at home, I decided to give this side hustle thing a try.
As usual, before I start to do anything, I would like to do some knowledge management and see how other people did it. By searching “side hustle” in amazon.ca, I found this book and the author, Chris Guillebeau. The book has a good 4-star review and Chris Guillebeau is totally different from me. Throughout my whole career, I have worked for many big companies and I have always been an employee. He is totally different. By the year of 35, he has travelled all 193 countries and he has never worked for any employer. He is self-employed and all his income came from his side hustle. He made money by providing services to other people, wrote books, travelled a lot, and also did charity work. If my life is totally conventionally so far, his life is the exact opposite, extremely unconventional.
In his book “side hustle”, he highlighted how to turn ideas to income in 27 days. Here are some of the key points.
More income means more options, and more freedom.
He has been operating side hustles in his entire adult life.
Most hobbies cost money, but a side hustle makes money.
Setting up a goal first – for example, making some extra money for a new laptop in 3 months.
Money can grow up in trees, but you need the right seeds (which are the ideas)
Brainstorm some ideas, and select your best ideas (feasibility, profitability, and persuasion, efficiency, and motivation.
Once you pick your ideas, look at how other people are doing. You need to do it better or at least differently.
Having imaginary coffee with your ideal customer (know their needs, and their challenges, and try to use your skills to solve their problems).
Once you have an idea, be bold enough to put up an offer. ( the services and the price)
After all above, do the logistics such as setting up a way to get paid, and designing your first workflow, ect.
After the start-up, focus on 2 things. How to change your customers’ life, and how to make more money.
Marketing your offer to the right people and in marketing, focus on how you can add value to your customers.
Ask people to help to join your business (do not be an army of one), and also be specific of what you have to offer, do not do “spray and pray”.
Since I have a MBA degree, I am very familiar with some of the ideas he mentioned in the book because it is business related. However, the reality is that I used it at my workplace, not in my side hustle. I liked many examples the author has provided in this book.
Amazon affiliate marketing
Spare bedroom on airbnb
Create a pop-up shop
Sell your knowledge, and start a on-line class
Start a subscription site.
Tutoring business
Off a simple freelance service.
After reading this book, I started a website www.albertyang2020.com and Amazon affiliate marketing. I am on my way.
Along with you.
KIRA AND A DOG NAMED MONEY
by Bodo Schaefer
Month of review, Jun 2020
Kira always wanted to have a dog. But her landlord does not allow her to have one. Luckily, her parents bought a house and she also found a lost dog. The story begins.
Why name a dog “Money”?
Parents started to quarrel a lot because the mortgage became a big burden for the family. One day, Kira tried to give the dog a name, and she overheard that father and mother were having a quarrel about money again. Then, she came up with an idea to name this dog “Money”, thinking that calling the dog “money” would bring her family money.
The dog that talks.
One day she thought about using her allowance to buy a CD she liked. Suddenly, Money started to talk and suggested that she should not buy a CD. Money told a story to Kira. He said a long time ago, there was a farmer and he had a goose, and the goose would produce a golden egg everyday. He loved the goose very much. However, due to his greed, he wanted to have more of the golden eggs. Being impatient, the farmer finally decided to see how many golden eggs the goose had. He killed the goose and took all the eggs from the goose. And we all know, he no longer had any golden egg since then. Money used this story to tell Kira that you need to be wise about money. When you have money, the first thing you need to do is to save and invest, (meaning, building a goose that can produce eggs), and then spend the rest of your money. If you spend all the allowance (killing your goose), you will have nothing left.
Why making money?
Money continued to teach Kira lots of things. He told Kira to find out 3 major reasons to make money. And Kira listed 3 of them. The first one is that she wanted to go to the USA being an exchange student; the second is that she wanted to have a new laptop, and the third one is that she wanted to help parents to pay back the mortgage. What a noble cause! For sure, she did not want to hear too much about parents’ quarreling or worrying about money.
After this goal setting session, Kira immediately felt frustrated because she did not know how to make money. But Money kept telling Kira it was more important to find out why you wanted the money than how to make money.
Kira, having 3 goals, started to look for ways to make money. She talked to her cousin, Marshal. Being 12 years old, Marshal had already started to make money for he delivered bread to neighbours. And this inspired Kira. Kira tried to find some opportunities. One day, she saw her neighbour walking a dog, but did not look happy. She knocked on the door and got her first job of walking a dog and began to earn 2 dollars per walk, and the master told her that if she could teach the dog do something, she could have more money.
Meeting the master of “Money”
You may wonder how come this dog knows too much about money? It turned out that one day, they happened to meet the master of the dog, whose name was Mr. Jing. He was a financial advisor for a big financial company. Money learned a lot from Mr. Jing. Mr. Jing thanked Kira for taking care of his lost dog. Not only did he pay Kira, he also gave her a lot of suggestions. Kira continued to grow in confidence and money making skills. She hired her neighbours to walk other dogs, she started to buy mutual funds, and she became so successful and she even did a speech to other kids on how to manage the money. A happy ending.
Conclusion
The Bible teaches that the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. And the Bible also teaches us to be generous. Certainly, if you do not have money, you can not live, not to mention being generous to your loved ones. That is why I think we need to have the right attitude towards Money. Actually, in proverbs, one wise man prayed to God. He said, “give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say “who is the LORD”, OR I may become poor and steal.
I hope my speech is helpful for you and if you want, you can become rich, and you can honor God with your money and be generous to others. Blessings to you all.
THE WEALTHY BARBER RETURNS
by David Chilton
Review month: Jun 2020
Disposable income = consumption + saving
Personal financial management is a big part of everyone’s life. In this book, David, a Canadian writer, uses his humorous way to instruct people how to manage money wisely to have a happy life.
In my parents’ days, they never borrow, and they always live within their means. Time has changed for sure. Now, we spend the money we have not earned yet and this creates stress and anxiety.
We have opponents, and they tempt us. when we yield to temptation, we fail. One word that catches my attention is Lurk, which means “be or remain hidden so as to wait in ambush for someone or something”. instantly, I remember a bible verse, “If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” Genesis 4:7. The word “Lurk” and “Crouch” are synonyms. It tells us that we ought to stay alert on our opponents.
I enjoyed his writing style. Truthful, humorous, and thought provoking. Many times, I sighed and other times, I laughed. My favorite chapter is chapter 30, where he talked about his parents and himself, who live a humble lifestyle and remain very joyful. The secret of happiness is contentment and relationships.
Please enjoy my little summary of this book and I wish you a happy life.
Consumption
- Your opponents want you to spend
- Self esteem – few things are more valuable than our self-esteem, yet we often surrender it to the opinions of others.
- The way to resist temptation is to avoid it altogether.
- Dealing with infatuation – an impulsive one
- Choose your friends wisely – do not become a slave of envy.
- The power of perspective – envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings instead of your own.
- Four liberating words – I can not afford it.
- Plastic surgery – credit card has put many Canadians into financial trouble, BECAUSE they offer convenience. Evil Lurks (Evil =causing ruin, injury, pain, or misfortune) – we need to feel the pain when we pay.
- Line of credit – stop borrowing mindlessly and conveniently
- Do not take debt to retirement.
- Live in a house that you can truly afford – however, common sense and common practice are two different things.
- Keep a detailed summary of all of your expenses.
- Be aware of little expenses – many small leaks can sink a ship
Saving
- How much should I save for my retirement – 10-15 % of your income.
- Save early – no procrastination
- How much do I need for retirement – 60-70% of the average income of our last few working years
- Save while you may, no morning sun lasts a whole day.
- 6-9 month of emergency fund
Comparison
- Money VS time
- when we buy something, we are really spending time (how long would I have to work to get that something). Also a dollar saved is two dollar earned
- Experience vs things
- Spending more on experiences and less on stuff. The best things in life aren’t things.
- Future vs Now
- Misconception – saving for the future lessens people’s enjoyment of life. Truth – people who live within their means tend to be happier and less stressed for they know their futures look bright.
- Wealth vs Desire
- Wealth is not absolute; instead, it is relative to desires. When we covet things we can not afford, we grow poorer regardless of our incomes. conversely, when we are satisfied with what we have, we are truly wealthy.
RESILIENCE, HARD-WON WISDOM FOR LIVING A BETTER LIFE
by Eric Greitens
Read, Sep 2020
46 years old in 2020
PHD of philosophy
Lieutenant in Navy Seal
Founder of the Mission Continues
1 of the 100 most influential people in the world by Times
International humanitarian work in Rwanda, Cambodia and etc.
Worked in refugee camp
Armed services to Iraq, Afghanistan. Etc.
Marathon runner / Boxing champion
White house Fellowship
Governor of Missouri
Author and Speaker
Christianity
THE INDWELLING LIFE OF CHRIST
by Major W Ian Thomas
Month of review, May 2020
How do we live as christians? Many times, we tried to improve ourselves, but change won’t last. Other times, we tried to know God, read God’s word, and even pray, still, not too much change. The author tells us that the secret of Christian life is to constantly die to ourselves and live to God. we need to be united in Christ in his death and resurrection. it is a painful realization that without Him, we cannot do anything, and we cannot become and grow to be a mature Christian without Christ.
This book uses lots of metaphors and parables to illustrate the point. This is its strength. If the author can include more real and recent examples, it would be even better.
Still, it is an excellent book to read and we need to constantly remind ourselves that without Christ, we can not be a Christian. the only way is to let Him.
Question | Answer | Reference |
Can we find God on earth? | Suppose aliens come to earth with a mission to find God, but most of what they see are brokenness, evil doing, and etc. Truth is that we were made in the image of God, but we all fall short of God’s glory. | Chapter 1 |
Why does a human being need God to be functional? | Because we were made that way. Man cannot produce righteousness on his own Holy spirit to man is like oil to a lamp | Chapter 3 |
What is Righteousness? | Righteousness is doing right in God’s eyes | Chapter 6 |
What is death? What life did Adam lose that day? | The death is the absence of God. Adam lost the life of God on the day he disobeyed. On that day, Adam lost trust on God, choose to be independent, and not obey. | Chapter 8 |
Who is your parent? devil or God | He who sins is of the devil, for the devil has sinned from the beginning Whoever has been born of God does not sin. | Chapter 9 |
Do you try to live your life with your own strength? | Are you foolish? After beginning by means of the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh? | Chapter 10 |
What really is sin? | Sin is anything which falls short of His perfection. | Chapter 12 |
What is eternal life? | And this is eternal life: to know you, the only true and real God, and to know Him, Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. | Chapter 15 |
What is real spirituality? | Jesus said, I always do those things that please Him. John 8:29 | Chapter 19 |
What is Nicodemus’ conclusion about Jesus? | For no one can do these signs that you do unless God is with him. John 3:2 Jesus is exceptional and he is THE exception. | Chapter 21 |
When should we tell others about Jesus? | Tell the vision to no one until the Son of Man is risen from the dead” I think a common mistake that Christians make is that we usually tell people too early and too incomplete when we ourselves have not known Christ enough and we thought we know, but really we do not know. That is actually a danger. | Chapter 25 |
Are you trying to do the impossbile with your flesh? | The answer is yes if you rely on flesh. The character does not change for the better by “improving the flesh”, but only by allowing it to be replaced by the Holy Spirit. | Chapter 26 |
What is the true rest? | To “let go and to let God” is not INACTIVITY, but Christ -activity – God in action accomplishing divine purposes through human personality. | Chapter 29 |
What does faith mean? | Faith means letting him. You will never let him until you are prepared to admit that you cannot and only God can. O Lord my God, in you I put my trust. Psalm 7:1 | Chapter 32 |
In which 2 ways we have been united with Christ? | For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection. | Chapter 36 |
How does Christ and me interact with each other? | I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me | Chapter 37 |
What is the price you must pay if you want to be raised from the dead to live. | The willingness to die to your old self. | Chapter 39 |
What is so unique about men, compared to other creations? | It is that men has the capacity to choose Him | Chapter 40 |
How can we benefit from the word of God? | The answer is “faith”. But the word which they heard did not profit them, not being mixed with faith in those who heard it | Chapter 41 |
Do you follow conscience of convenience or a conscience of conviction? | A conscience of conviction determines what is morally right or wrong. Repent; turn around and return to God, that your sins may be erased, that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord | Chapter 45 |
When can you say you become a Christian? | In chapter 9 of the book of John, a blind man gradually came to know him, until at last, he said, “Lord, I believe!” | Chapter 46 |
How can we enable others to meet Jesus through us? | It must become patently obvious to people around you that the kind of life you are living is not only commendable, but beyond all human explanation The love of Chriist compels us. 2 Corinthians 5:14 | Chapter 47 |
How could we do evangelism? | We should offer ourselves to God so that the light can shine in the darkness just as moon offer himself to the sun to reflect the sunlight | Chapter 48 |
What is the reputation of the early believers? | Incorrigibly happy, utterly unafraid, and nearly always in trouble. | Chapter 49 |
Final decision? | Arise and go, when called by Jesus. | Chapter 50 |
Consumption
- Your opponents want you to spend
- Self esteem – few things are more valuable than our self-esteem, yet we often surrender it to the opinions of others.
- The way to resist temptation is to avoid it altogether.
- Dealing with infatuation – an impulsive one
- Choose your friends wisely – do not become a slave of envy.
- The power of perspective – envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings instead of your own.
- Four liberating words – I can not afford it.
- Plastic surgery – credit card has put many Canadians into financial trouble, BECAUSE they offer convenience. Evil Lurks (Evil =causing ruin, injury, pain, or misfortune) – we need to feel the pain when we pay.
- Line of credit – stop borrowing mindlessly and conveniently
- Do not take debt to retirement.
- Live in a house that you can truly afford – however, common sense and common practice are two different things.
- Keep a detailed summary of all of your expenses.
- Be aware of little expenses – many small leaks can sink a ship
Saving
- How much should I save for my retirement – 10-15 % of your income.
- Save early – no procrastination
- How much do I need for retirement – 60-70% of the average income of our last few working years
- Save while you may, no morning sun lasts a whole day.
- 6-9 month of emergency fund
Comparison
- Money VS time
- when we buy something, we are really spending time (how long would I have to work to get that something). Also a dollar saved is two dollar earned
- Experience vs things
- Spending more on experiences and less on stuff. The best things in life aren’t things.
- Future vs Now
- Misconception – saving for the future lessens people’s enjoyment of life. Truth – people who live within their means tend to be happier and less stressed for they know their futures look bright.
- Wealth vs Desire
- Wealth is not absolute; instead, it is relative to desires. When we covet things we can not afford, we grow poorer regardless of our incomes. conversely, when we are satisfied with what we have, we are truly wealthy.